Revelations: Day 22.2

Revelations are all around me, and no, I don’t mean the ones from the Bible. Life has been revealing some facts about me lately. The most recent revelation is that being active and productive is so ingrained in me that the only acceptable way to stop and rest is to be eating, and even then I tend to multi task. This also revealed why I eat as I do at times. I eat when I am tired. I eat when I feel worn out. I eat when I need to think something through.

The other day I realized that I don’t recognize my emotions. I was asked a while ago to write my feelings every time I ate and what I ate. I took this seriously. At first I wrote what I was doing before I ate. Or I would write whether or not I was productive. It was all about production and being busy. I did recognize guilt and frustration. But what feelings to notice. What we pay notice to, we bring more of to ourselves. I still struggle with this. I have been emailing a friend my gratitude list daily for a while, but mostly it is full of my accomplishments. Even when I try not to, it really is. I mention my successful class or that I got my garden clean or I was able to listen to my waterfall while I was doing my morning exercises. See, it is still about what I did. I haven’t ever mentioned anything about the roof over my head or the food I get to eat. An exercise I am going to try when I am done evaluating my eating history is to list physical feelings for emotions. Some I know, some I will have to think about or talk to other about.

There have been more revelations, but it is late, and I cannot think of anymore right now…

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