Eating is a big issue in my health.  It has caused some illnesses, and it is keeping me from losing weight.  I am an emotional eater and a binge eater.  I try to control my eating which causes me to binge the “bad” foods.  I have tried many things to get my eating under control, but I have found that control is what creates additional problems.  In the journey to get to the size I remember being and thought I should be, I have come to dislike myself.  This too is damaging because it adds more stress and negative self talk.  This backfires taking me down a spiral of controlled eating and binging.  Always any weight loss is followed by greater weight gain.  I can never do a diet a second time because it doesn’t work the second time.  I have tried many diets – the Curves diet, cabbage soup diet, fasting, calorie counting, carb counting, timed dieting, etc.  I have also tried tricks – not eating after a certain time, not eating until something happens, not eating more than one sweet a day, etc.  No matter what, the results are the same.  There is no change.

I was once told that stupidity is doing something over and over again expecting different results.  So I am trying something different.  I looked at the common denominator and realized that my perspective is skewed and that diets have made it worse.  There is no quick fix to where I have gotten.  It took me a long time to get to the body shape and size it is now, so I need to expect it to take as long or longer to turn things around.  Any long change needs to take time.  I have decided to quit dieting and to be mindful about what I do eat.  I can no longer sit on the computer or in front of the TV and fill my face.  I don’t enjoy that food, and I don’t really know what I’ve eaten when it is done.  I will savor the food and not multitask while eating.  I am recording what I eat and how I feel.

I hope to see progress over the next few months, but that is all I can ask for.  It will be a work in progress, and I cannot expect any more from this.

I had thought of starting other challenges when I started the 100 day challenge.  But I realize I was looking for a quick fix because the challenges are short lived.  I need to think lifestyle change whenever I approach a change to my eating.  It needs to be slow and implemented selectively to make any difference and to stick.  As I have said in previous posts, I can quit on changes. So I need to be very conscious in making the selection of what to change. I need to go into it being comfortable with the need and purpose of the change.  I need to be convinced that it is an appropriate choice.

Today, mindful eating and giving up dieting is a conscious choice and an appropriate one.