It was the tail end of our first five day hike; I was exhausted and had another three miles to go. We stopped to call for our ride and to have my car cleaned out. When my husband asked how I was doing, the first thing that popped out of my mouth was, “I’m done.” I hadn’t felt that way yet because I knew that I still had some more to go. But at that moment, I was done. I dragged the rest of the way to the bridge. My companions kept asking if I was going to cross the bridge. My answers were always noncommittal. I wasn’t sure if I still wanted to, and I didn’t know if they were trying to back out. I didn’t know if I could make it to the bridge let alone cross it. Until I saw the bridge, it was our Mecca. We had to cross it to say we finished what we were drawn to the entire time. At the bridge, I had enough excitement and energy to finish the trip. I wasn’t done in reality, but mentally I was.
I am reminded of that moment tonight. I got home from work wishing that I could grab a blanket, a hot drink, and a good book to enjoy the first rain of the fall. I thought, “I’m done.” But immediately afterwards, I rationalized that no I was not done. I still had things I needed to do. The book and blanket had to wait. The epiphany that came to me in that moment was that I could fit in just a few more things, the things I committed to doing.
I had been in a rut of coming home from work or other functions, eating dinner, and being done. I would sit on the couch watching nothing important on TV thinking I was doing myself a favor and relaxing. Maybe it is a favor once in a while, but I was getting fatter and lazier. I once heard a statement that the successful person asks themselves if they can do one more thing when they are tired. One more step, one more page, one more chore. It doesn’t matter how you consider success; it matters that you keep doing what needs to be done to get ahead or to master what you need. I need to master myself, my laziness, my tiredness, so I can get healthier and hike farther/better. I can do one more thing.
So, instead of sitting on the couch tonight, eating myself into oblivion, I worked out, meditated, and am now writing. My dinner is cooking while I am doing this. The TV has not come on; I am feeling successful. With this challenge, I have been spending more of my nights writing and working out, and because of this, I am not losing my stamina and strength, but I am losing weight from staying away from the food that calls to me when I am wasting my time.
Now that I see the good of all this, the question will stay with me. I understand the power of my brain. I will not claim to be done, unless it is actually true and I have done that one last thing.